The genius strikes back

My oh my it's been a long time since I sat down in front of blogger to write a few things. I simply ran out of steam a few months ago with life in general but seem to back to my old cynical and twisted self.


So whats new in the world of the genius?

Well, a weekend break in Oslo certainly went some way to restoring the old batteries that's for sure. A lovely city it is indeed, full of Renaissance buildings and clean modern architecture and not a dog turd or McDonald's wrapper in site - easy on the eye is a good way of describing it. My worldly view was widened once again as for some reason I was under the assumption that May Day is a UK phenomena, I have no idea why I thought this, but it appears that our Nordic cousins also celebrate the occasion by deserting their capital city in favour of the hills where they have barbeque's, don Viking attire and rape and pillage some unsuspecting village. Okay, Ive no proof of the latter but If my suspicions are proved correct just remember that you heard it here first. The lack of local populous made Oslo feel like a sleepy town on a Sunday. Upon investigation Oslo has a population of "only" 500,000, which is tiny when you compare it to other capital cities such as London or Paris. Saying that I suppose it's all relative as Norway has a population of 4.5 Million meaning that, comparatively, it's pretty crowded.


Two words of warning however:


1. If you decide to take heed of my advice and visit Oslo, take out a mortgage before you go. The first night we were there we decided to visit an eatery on the docks which looked to all intents and purposes like a run of the mill fish and chip shop/restaurant. Upon ordering two lots of schnitzel and chips with a beer and a coke I received a bill for the equivalent of £45. After choking on the most expensive chip in the world I double checked the prices on the menu and then checked the exchange rate. No mistake was found. Upon closer inspection of other restaurant prices we found that we were going to be shafted wherever we ate. For the rest of the weekend we took advantage of the all you can breakfast in the hotel by stocking up on enough food to last the rest of the day.

2. Ryan Air. We perhaps would not have gone to Oslo if we had not seen the promise of cheap flights from the budget Irish airline - although once you start booking your flight via the tinternet you soon realise that Ryan Air is anything but the saviour of the working classes. It seemed that we were charged for just about every possible necessity from a bag, the clothes we stood in, the air in our lungs, the amount of pubic hair we had, and our eye colour. For anyone who is familiar with this airline you might say "well didn't you know they were robbing b'stards" and my answer would be "no. I still have a small degree of faith left in civilisation.". Before I'd even set foot on the plane I felt as if I'd been buggered by a horse and then when we arrive in "Oslo" we discovered that in fact we weren't anywhere near the place. In fact we were at some airport about an hour and forty minutes away from where we expected to be and the only way of getting to our destination was by laying out yet more unexpected expense to a coach company who are closely affiliated with with the blood sucking Irish Luftwaffe.



So there you have it. By all means visit the lovely city of Oslo, but make sure you've won the lottery and don't fly Ryan Air as I here their latest slogan is: "Credit Crunch? What credit Crunch?"