2009 Predictions

Ive finally got round to predicting some key events of 2009.

I will be adding to this list If I have a Mystic Meg moment.

Disclaimer: I take no responibility if you decide to go down the bookies and place money on any of these predictions; unless of course you actually win, in which case all winnings must go directly to me if you want to avoid court action.

GM Americans

Maybe I've been reading too many conspiracy websites, but this story made me think.

Link

I'm not an expert when it comes to the field of child rearing but I'm not convinced that the mother in question has thought through the logistics of being a mother to eight newborn babes.

"What makes you say that" I hear you say.

Well for a start, the new Mother intends to breast feed her little darlings. All very healthy and perfectly natural I agree, but the crucial bit of GCSE biology that she is forgetting is the the bit about women only having the capability to feed, at the very most, two of her little darlings at any one time.

I hear that there are some strange people in the america's and maybe, just maybe, she is the result of some octopus/human genetic experiment and is perfectly capable of catering to her brood's needs. Or maybe I should stop reading David Icke's website.

2008 Predicitons

Last year I predicted a couple of major events that could happen during the 365 days ( not forgetting the extra second) of 2008. In the not too distant future (when I can be arsed), I will make some predictions for 2009.


Here's how I did.

1. The Second Coming of Christ
Judging by the euphoria that surrounded the outcome of the 2008 US election I think it's safe to say that alot of people believe that Mr Obama is indeed the reincarnation of one Jesus H. Christ. I wonder how long it will take for all his followers to turn on him and start demanding he is crucified on Superbowl Sunday because he didn't bring about world peace or walk on water?

2. Making contact with Aliens
Depending on who you speak to "they" are already here but until they start applying for asylum at Dover I'm not convinced. I don't doubt for a minute that they exist somewhere out there but if any of them have looked in on us over the last couple of millenia and witnessed our evolution from a blood thirsty warring race of people to a blood thirsty warring race of people with nuclear weapons and reality T.V., they have probably decided to pass right on by.

3. No General Election
No surprises that commandant Brown wants to hang on to power for a while longer is it? Even if he did call an election, do we really want a bunch of Etonian nitwitts in charge? A General Election boils down to two choices as far as I can see - 1. A Smiling Scottish assasin or, 2. A Silver spoon fed nicompoop.

4. More Doom & Gloom
I was really hoping that I would be proved wrong on this one but Ive had to ask my doctor to increase my prozac prescription.

5. Rain
As my pseudonym suggest, I'am indeed a genius.

Dimwitted Tescoites

Question: How devoid of intelligence do you have to be in order to get a job at Tesco?

Answer: Very.

I recently bought a punnet of Egyptian Strawberries from the supermarket Behemoth and upon opening them I discovered, much to my horror, that one of them was furrier than a Seventies porn stars crotch. I'm not really one to complain in the real world (as opposed the virtual one where I'm getting better all the time), but I took the Strawberries back to Tesco and showed the lady at the customer service desk the overly furry nature of the Egyptian soft fruit. She seemed indifferent to my concerns but agreed to swap them for another fresher punnet. I then proceeded to buy some cigs which happens to be next to the customer service desk and overheard the woman tell one of her underlings "'Here Jason, reduce these strawberries will ya, one of them's manky".

Maybe it's just the way my brain works but surely the best place for them would be the bin?!

I'll leave up to you to decide.

Happy new Year by the way.