The Thick Bluey red line

Earlier this week whilst driving home from work members of her majesty's finest constabulary decided to pull myself and other motorists over to the side of the road at random. Was this a sign that PC Plod had decided take the initiative and breathalyze motorists in the afternoon after they had indulged in a few pints over a power lunch? Perhaps it was a signal that they were clamping down on uninsured drivers.

Judging by the number of bobbies present (15 - 20) and the obvious scale of the operation I was starting to wonder whether there had been an incident involving guns, drugs, bombs or even child abduction. I was asked how long I had owned the car, where I had been, and where I intended on going etc and judging by the large number of serious-faced coppers I figured it best not to give any clever answers as I'm only too aware that they can be a humour-less bunch at the best of times and trying to be smart with one just confuses them.

After a little while standing round trying to look completely innocent - which I was but still felt as though I should be making an effort to appear so - I asked the officer with the least scowling face what all this was about as they were continuing to pull car after car over to the side of the road.

"Red Diesel" he responded.

So the police have the means and numbers to pull drivers over with impunity to make sure that we're not swindling the chancellor out of his hard earned taxes but when it comes to walking the street supposedly tackling machine gun carrying yoofs they're nowhere to be seen? All this in an area where gangs of feral scousers are running around shooting 10year olds and covering up for each other?

I have lived in this area for at least 15years and despite problems with pissed/drugged driver all year round and the aforementioned hood rats I have never once been pulled over and asked to provide a specimen neither at Christmas or any other time. I have formed a loathing hatred of drunk drivers for very personal reasons and would not have a problem being asked to stop for a routine breath sample iff required but it seems that you're more likely to be pulled if you're trying to dodge exorbitant petrol taxes.

It does make you wonder where this country is going doesn't it?

Site Meter

I have updated the site meter as I'm sure the old one counted all my visits in the same way that viewing your own profile does. Thanks to Storm for posting it on his page for me to steal.

Have I really looked at my own profile 900 odd times?

One thing that really annoys me about this site is the fact that there doesn't seem to be any other way of viewing other peoples ramblings other than to click on your own profile and searching via location or interest etc.

Anyway, Ive got a few topics which I think worthy of sharing to the world up my sleeve and will post them as soon as I can be bothered.

The fuckwit factor

Working in an office has got to be one of the most uninspiring jobs known to man (or Woman).

Everyday it gets harder and harder to get out bed in the morning because I know I've got eight hours of the same routine to look forward to. Each day the same colleagues phone me up with the same problems. Namely:

1. My printer won't print - It's not switched on.

2. My printer's run out of ink - they've drank it.

3. My computers crashed, - Into their head when I get hold of them

4. The fax machine's broke - No, It's just run out of paper.

5. My mouse won't work - Because they've put it up their arse

6. I can't get on the Internet, - That's a good thing.

7. My computers crashed again - They never learn

8. My computer's slow - But not as slow as they are.

The people who phone me with these problems have all been working for this company for 10 years. You would think that after showing them how to fix these issues on numerous occasions they might have retained some of these helpful information, but I guess I'm not taking the Fuckwit factor into account.

The Fuckwit factor (similar to the X factor but without the singing) gives us the opportunity to identify those people who shouldn't breed. We all know of at least one fuckwit who may be a genuinely nice person but who would be doing more harm than good if they had offspring.

p.s. I know the picture has nothing to do with office workers but I thought my readers might like to see it.

enjoy.

A barometer of Public opinion

In order to provoke debate amoungst the population of our great land I have added a poll on the right of the page.

I'm sure the results of it will be of great interest and give a far more accurate representation of public opinion than those found on the BBC or Reuters.

My quest for world domination has just taken another great step forward.

Holland

Ive just got back from a trip to Holland.

Unfortunately it was not a "pleasure" trip that took in the sights and smells of Amsterdam's cafe culture but a work trip to see how our Dutch sister company does things. As you can imagine it was of great "interest".

Apart from dope and prostitutes I find Holland a boring country. For starters it's as flat as a pancake which results in the smallest incline in the road seeming akin to a fairground ride. At least England's roaming hills provide you with something nice to look at during an M6 tailback and a bit of a thrill when driving down one at speed - the added excitement of slamming your brakes on in order to avoid being spotted by the strategically placed Revenue Camera is also an experience familiar to many English folk I'm sure.

Spare a thought for those crazy Dutchmen who have nothing but flat fields and dike-jumping to entertain themselves with. Before someone starts banging on about the human rights of lesbians and how we should respect them and not try to jump over one, let me just say that I in no way condone the said action as the jumped over lady lover will probably beat several shades of shit out of you, let me just clarify what dike-jumping involves. It doesn't involve dungaree-wearing muff divers but dutch people attempting to jump over a small ditch or channel with a pole. I hear that it is immense fun but alas I wasn't fortunate enough to try it during my time there. One of our Dutch co-workers said that the next time we go over he will arrange for us to partake in the activity.

I wait with baited breath.

Zombie Queen

Today's most important news item: Pay attention to the last sentence.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/7705870.stm

Even though dead dancing celebrities proves that they can defy death if it means a few extra minutes air time, the real juicy part of the story is that the Queen Mother is not dead - she's just been buried by the Queen in 2003.

I can't believe that no-one has noticed this before.